Photograph by Jeff Rinehart
“Why? Why does what was beautiful suddenly shatter in hindsight because it concealed dark truths? Why does the memory of years of happy marriage turn to gall when our partner is revealed to have had a lover all those years? Because such a situation makes it impossible to be happy? But we were happy! Sometimes the memory of happiness cannot stay true because it ended unhappily. Because happiness is only real if it lasts forever? Because things always end painfully if they contained pain, conscious or unconscious, all along? But what is unconscious, unrecognized pain?”
- Bernhard Schlink (The Reader, p.37)
"The Oxford History of Islam" by John L. Esposito (Editor)
"O wave! Plunge headlong into the dark seas,
And change thyself with many a twist and turn;
Thou wast not born for tile solace of the shore;
Arise, untamed, and find a path for thyself."
- Allama Muhammad Iqbal
At a level ,it is difficult to accept the situation.
It hurts . There is an element of unilateral deceit if the other person
has been totally devoted .
All other explanations and words become meaningless
when there is no trust in each other .
It could be rebuilt , but it is not easy.
akash
Akash - Thank you for responding. As you said, I too believe that at some level trust plays a major part, especially when it concerns relationships. However, the question of happiness still remains: Can not happy memories still remain happy even if they did not end that way, for at the moment we experienced those memories, which we recall, we were happy.
When I read this particular passage i saw from a new perspective, a new way of looking at hurtful moments, relationships, experiences, etc. When we are hurt all our energy centers around our pain so much so that the happy moments before or leading to this pain become tainted by our anger, sense of injustice, and hurt. In doing this and allowing our happy moments to slip away we hurt no other person more than ourselves.
Pain is a part of learning .
When you can’t trust someone , might as well feel the pain , so that you leave that person and associated memories behind . Pain helps one to do that .
To some extent revenge also is more justified than
holding on to happiness which is based on untrustworthy
people or relationships .
Certainly such a person and the associated happiness
has been false . Why be after false ?
Life is rich elsewhere . One can find true happiness elsewhere .
The sooner one is out of illusions , the better it is .
Is it not ?
akash
Akash - Granted that it would be harmful and quite against one’s best interest to be under an illusion and deny the truth of the matter, but to hold on to pain when there are happy memories to hold on to is not a healthy decision either for one’s mental and emotion well being.
In taking a conscience step to recall pain over and over again hinders one rather than allowing one to move on. Learn from the pain, keep the good, and move on. Happiness is a state of mind, however so is pain - they are both available in life, one perhaps more than the other, yet we have to choose which one will lead us in life. After all it is how we deal with life and it’s many ups and downs that makes us who we are.
Thank you Akash, again for your thought provoking responses. They are always appreciated and welcome.
Pain is not necessarily bad . Revenge too has it’s place in life. Let each one choose their path.
akash
Yes, that is very true - to each his own path, and i wish you loads of luck and success on yours.